The Awakening

Women's Wellness

The Awakening. In 2001, about a month after I was in a very serious collision, which turned my life upside down, I woke up with a Bull's Eye on my right hip, which was followed by flu- like symptoms. I received a positive Lyme test, which many people with Lyme do no receive and go untreated or misdiagnosed for years. This diagnosis was followed by a round of antibiotics. Although I finished this course of antibiotics, my symptoms of constant pain, debilitating fatigue, headaches, and the inability to sleep ensued. I was a single mother of three young children and in chronic state of dysfunction. It was like a living hell. Naturally, I tried everything I could to relieve my pain, so I could function. I was in complete survival. It felt like with each passing day I was sinking deeper into darkness. It took all of my energy just to make it to the surface and take a breath, much less go to work and do the best I could to meet my children's needs, which was not enough. It wasn't enough for any of us. I had no idea how to treat Lyme, at the time, which is often coupled with co-infections, which go unregistered on generic blood tests. I didn't know that the Lyme spirochyte interferes with the assimilation of an essential mineral, magnesium, which is responsible for the majority of your body's functions. The majority of my symptoms were caused by magnesium deficiency, along with severe qi and blood deficiency. Lyme also latches onto the vibrational frequency of hopelessness, which I had been carrying most of my life, so I was fair game for this parasitic energy. I continued to exist in this state of extreme survival and chronic pain and insomnia for 3 more years. In 2004, I contracted Meningitis, or what I was told was Lyme Meningitis. I had a headache for a week, full body nerve pain that continued to become more severe with each day, fatigue and weakness, and numbness on the left side of my face, which became paralyzed. I went to the hospital, received a spinal tap and was dismissed as having a cold, after I insisted this was serious and something was very wrong. Thankfully, my physician at the time recognized the gravity of my situation and prescribed me antibiotics. By the time my prescription had been filled, it was too late. I had called the father of my children distressed and crying, because I knew something was terribly wrong and there was nothing I could do to stop the impending doom from happening. A longtime friend had auspiciously flown in from California that week and just so happened to be with me the day I had my near death initiation. I was trying to take the antibiotics, but threw them up. My head was pounding. I could not sit up. Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming sensation and said, "I'm leaving now and I don't know if I'm coming back." I said, "They are here." She said, "Who?" I said, Babaji, which means “revered Father” in Sanskrit. The spiritual lineage that I was initiated into, referred to as Kriya Yoga, begins with God, Christ, and Babaji. Premahansa Yogananda, who wrote "Autobiography of a Yogi", is part of this line of Masters. He then initiated Swami Premananda, who initiated my dear teacher Swami Chankarananda. Today's post was inspired by something I read from "Prayers of Self-Realization", by Swami Premananda, which I will share in a moment. Following the "WOOSH" that moved my soul out of my body into my spirit, I experienced several things. I was extracted from a very dark force that I had been in the clutches of for some time. It was essentially feeding off of me and was embedded very deeply in my energetic system. I could not extract myself from the person who carried this energy, no matter how hard I "willed" it. This shit happens and it is not all love and light and bliss on the dimensions and frequencies most of us are operating on. When I am a Self Realized Master, I will be living and embodying the Universal Oneness Consciousness, but right now, that's not where I am, so I am met with and need to be very discerning regarding what I am facing in this world of duality. There are many opportunities to be discerning and as Swami Chankarananda taught us, "May all that does not love the Light, be deflected by the Light." I have ample opportunity to practice this. My true protection comes from my connection and ongoing relationship and trust in God and Jesus, outside of any religious order, which, I have observed more often than not, serves to create a heartbreaking separation from the Love, Light and Trust we need to befriend us and serve as our spiritual armor during our earth journey and especially during these times we are living in. When I speak of God , Christ Consciousness, and Jesus, I am not referring to the religious, distorted versions that have been passed down through man's interpretations. I am speaking from a personal experience that is no longer conceptual. This leads me to the continuation of what happened after my soul left my body and joined the spirit realm. I experienced a loss of identity. I was no longer an individual "I". I was a light particle, among billions and trillions of other light particles, like stars in the sky. I had been liberated from my existence in this dimension and it was extraordinary. The Universal "I" continued to exist beyond this time space reality. Meanwhile, I had 3 children who needed a mother, but in this moment, I was not a mother or even human, I was only a light particle dancing freely with all the other light particles in the cosmos. I was told I needed to return and had a golden cord placed down through the top of my head, through my central line, along with golden lotus blossoms placed in each of my chakras, all the way down to just above my navel, which I thought was interesting. Why did the cord not extend down to my root chakra, which would help connect me to the earth current? When I became conscious of the earthly dimension(3D), I noticed that all my pain was gone. I tried to stand up and felt myself as big, as the house. I felt like I was walking on stilts. For months I could not access my emotional or physical body. I was intrigued by the emotional displays of others and wondered why humans got so tangled up in their emotions. I was very much in my soul body, which is where infants reside when they are born. This is why they sleep 22 out of 24 hours a day. They must acclimate to this dimension and their nervous systems’ need time to make the transition from where they came from to this 3rd dimensional frequency, which is very dense. I was as vulnerable as a newborn infant upon my return. I spent 22 out of 24 hours on the other side for a period of time, I cannot calculate. I don't recall anything, except that when I did begin to come toward my body I would hover over it for a longtime. It was extremely difficult to “land” here. When I did make it to the density of my physical body I felt excruciating burning and pain. My face was paralyzed and the only place I was free was on the other side. All my desire for anything of this world was gone. I was in a state of purgatory, because I was stuck between dimensions. I couldn't entirely leave and I couldn't fully return. My body was in disrepair and in a very fragile state. I did discover that animals gravitated toward me and I received a tremendous amount of solace in this. My reorientation process and rebirth took place gradually over several years.

The Sufi path opened up for me during this time and deep healing occurred for me. I learned that it is not about leaving your body, but annihilating all that you are not, all the conditioning, preferences, imprints from the world and your ancestors, into God, Divinity, the Oneness, the Unity, and returning it all into the body, the here and now, the true Liberation! I did not have to die to realize the living God in me! I could fully return, knowing this Holy secret. My life purpose became to know God in every cell of my being, to heal completely, to help my lineage, both past and future heal (return all the fragmented pieces to wholeness), to live my life from this foundation and commitment, and to walk others home to an embodied experience of liberation.

This is the foundation of everything I do whether it is through Wellness coaching( I teach Conscious and Holistic Living Practices), empowering women and couples to consciously conceive, birth, and parent, or through the sound frequency, nervous system resets I offer clients that help clear trauma by helping traumatized parts that have been "frozen" in time to be freed up to then reintegrate into the whole, so people have greater access to their true selves, potential, life force energy, and connection with God and the Oneness that is at the core of their being. I am a vessel and endeavor to be as clear a vessel as possible for the miracles that can happen for people when God's Grace is moving through you. This requires diligence and working with the shadow and parts of me that have not yet been integrated. This can feel very painful at times. It can be misperceived as something is wrong, because experiencing the emotional body, sadness and anger are not considered “spiritual” and can be difficult for others who have not walked through their own shadows to hold space for or witness without fear and judgment. It is all spiritual and extremely important work. My teacher Swami Nithyananda, one said, "We are perfectly human and perfectly Divine." Yes we are and this statement is so freeing!

I would like to transition into the passage I read this morning that expresses the prayer in my heart. May it speak to those who seek to have a deeper , more personal relationship with their Source.

"Lead me to thy infinity, where all duality merges. In the harmony of absolute oneness; where life and death, hope and disappointment, happiness and sorrow, cease to play their game of light and shadow. In the illumination of eternal blissfulness, And I become thyself in thy Supreme Self. Thy infinity lifts my consciousness into the domain of universality, and in the mystic serenity of cosmic vastness, I am liberated in the depth of immeasurable peace. In the effulgent infinity, the ever expanding immensity reaches out for illimitable limitlessness and I realize what I myself am in my transcendental Self." Swami Premananda